Of Excess and Habits

My father thought it was a good idea to let me and my brother keep a goldfish as pet. I was 6 at that time and my brother, Man was 4. So satu petang bapak aku bawa pulang ikan emas kecik untuk dipelihara, siap dengan mini aquariumnya.

We were so excited the morning after- did nothing else but watched and fed the fish with breadcrumbs. Like, half an hour later, we started to get impatient. The breadcrumbs we should be making turned into large chunks of bread. Later that evening, aku dan Man dah pergi main kat luar, and my dad came home. He found out that the fish was dead. Mati kelemasan dalam roti.

Niat tu baik nak kasik makan ikan, tapi it was the case (very common) of doing something in excess. The reason I told this story is that I just went out for a haircut. I did notice this ‘in excess’ habit in every barber I went.

Rambut aku dah panjang dan bila dah panjang, it is abnormally tebal. Dengan panjang -rambut tepi tutup separuh telinga dan bahagian depan sampai ke mata- aku rasa ok jer except it needed a minor trim pasal dah serabai sikit. Before he took the scissors and comb, I told the barber,thrice, aku taknak potong pendek, cuma adjust sikit-sikit je bahagian tepi dan belakang. Pakcik tu kata, ‘ok’.

True, the first trim was ok. But he thought he had to make second adjustment, agaknya tak balance sangat kot kiri kanan. So the adjustment went on. Quite alright this time, I saw.

Problem is, there were third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, 31^st adjustment. Sampai rambut aku dah takde dah baru berhenti. For some reasons I couldn’t decipher, macamana pakcik tu boleh potong sampai pendek tanpa aku perasan sehingga saat-saat terakhir potongan.

At that point aku cuma mampu bersyukur aku tak tertidur masa dia potong rambut aku, otherwise I may need a micrometer to measure my hair. Rambut sure jadi kecik habis. Terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak potong rambut kena tunggu dua tiga bulan lagi nak mengundur ke default setting.

Excess #2:

Every food being cooked and baked has its own distinctive taste. Some are meant to be eaten only a bit at a time, ‘untuk lidah merasa je’ bak kata orang. Things like kek lapis (mahal pun yer jugak), maruku (untuk buat mengunyah sikit-sikit masa berborak), goreng pisang (minyak tak hingat banyak tapi buat jamah minum petang sikit tu acceptable la).

I do realize that. Tapi aku ada this bad habit yang selain daripada enjoy kesedapan satu makanan, aku mesti nak perut rasa kenyang gak. You know this is quite alright bila makan nasi campur waktu tengahari or nasi lemak untuk breakfast, tapi bila makan choc cookies-aku nak belasah sampai kenyang, bila makan kuih koci-belasah makan sampai tak payah dinner, bila hirup kopi-mesti belasah sampai darah dalam badan dah ganti dengan kopi. Pendek kata semua makanan yang aku suka akan aku buat sebegitu rupa.

By far, I still do not find any measure to help me think, ‘makanan sedap ni hanya untuk dirasa, bukan dibaham’. Any suggestion?

Some people you don't know

Every now and then, i hear somebody wants to do something extraordinary at least once in his or her life. Something like 'someday i'll arrive at Verzasca Dam and bungee jump there'...or 'i'll tour around Switzerland in the quest for the best chocolate in the world'.

Not to mention certain people that we badly want to meet in person. People that we idolize, or simply admire, or hate. Orang yang kita kenal dari kaca TV, dari penulisan, dari internet. From the past events, Havana 1950's perhaps? Fidel Castro and Meyer Lansky. The pop culture, Michael Jackson, Celine Dion, and really, many more. Rich and famous football players, prominent leaders, great bassists- you name who you want to. Kadang-kadang aku terfikir nak jumpa Al Kooper dan beritahu- you wrote great music but how come you aren't so popular? Things like that.

Tapi sekarang aku rasa semua orang-orang itu absolutely nothing...compared with person standing in front of me now. One of the greatest gift of my life- my parents.

I always regard parents-like mine- as Superman disguised as real people. Ordinary people. Mereka tak pernah perasan setiap apa pengorbanan yang mereka sanggup lakukan for our well being-because they did it like a zillionth times already.

Of course,being so ordinary to others, people won't ever notice the presence of these Supermen in shopping malls, in public. Unlike the situation as one encounters Mawi. So you know, our parents do not get special attention, special treatment from others.

Mereka tak akan dapat column khas dalam newspaper untuk menceritakan jasa-jasa sepanjang hidup mereka, bila mereka meninggal dunia.

My grandmother passed away four days ago.

No one could ever replace her as the mother of my mother, until the end of this world. Dan aku mula berfikir, aku cuma akan ada satu ibu dan satu bapa sejak mula aku lahir ke dunia, till i die.

The only people that will always be there for me, unconditionally. Orang yang sanggup berjaga malam hanya untuk menyapu minyak ke perut anaknya yang sakit. Yang sanggup memasak dengan badan yang lemah kerana demam, memastikan anaknya tak berlapar.

Each time I hear my mother cried missing the voice of her mother, I gently wept. Aku tak mau nampak sedikitpun dramatik di sini but that is the truth. I saw my own reflection. Aku teringat those excuses yang aku bagi. 'Sibukla kat sini Mama' whenever she told me to come home for weekend. I'm no longer sure the excuses are worth my extra time not to travel 8 hours.

Not counting the time bila aku biar dia beli garam kat kedai untuk masak lunch aku simply because 'aku nak habiskan tengok program TV ni'. And much more. Far too much sin.

She never complained.

Surely, you won't even know her name. To you, she's just one of the strangers out there. Orang asing yang kau tak akan kenang dan tahu jasa-jasanya.

Staring at this ticking clock, i know time is running out. Aku bertanya pada diri, apakah kualiti aku sebagai anak selama ini? Adakah ibu bapaku rasa dihargai?